Anxiety.

 Lately ni i realised that my anxiety gets worse. Till I can’t handle it—heartbeat laju, chest pain and rasa nak jerit,nangis. It comes bila I sit alone or I couldnt sleep at night. Lepastu things will come across my mind and i started overthink and end up anxiety attack. 

I always fikir yang people will judge what I do. They woould judge my husband and my family. And people will hate me for what I did. I thought of that. Even the simplest thing like posting something on my ig story. Straight away the thoughts strike “u belagak. People will hate u.” . 

Dulu i ada this kind of anxiety jugak but everytime it came, I will just ignore—ah lantak org nak cakap apa!

But now it’s not the same thing. It keeps coming everyday. Sampai I cannot handle my feelings. Had to wake my husband up in the middle of the night just because I feel really really bad not in a good shape—Cried so hard. Only after crying and talking to him, I feel better.

Now that I cannot be alone and not doing anything. I need to occupied my time—either sleep,study,work out or anything. It’s tiring. Seriously. And now cepat sangat mental break down. I easily get mad and annoyed. Even my husband cant do a simple mistake. I would get really mad, yelled at him(which I cant do bcs its dosa) but i just cant control myself 😭

I wanted to avoid taking medication or seeing doctor regarding this thing. Maybe I should take some time off the social media or something. Not sure.