I hate it everytime I posted something on ig ‘close friend’ and I end up removing everything. Sebab I have severe anxiety bila overthink 😔 feels very scared of people hating me 😭 I hate that I can only be my true self with my mom and husband . Selalu rasa tak comfortable internally among friends. Ya allah Seriously tak tahu mcm mana nak overcome benda ni tau. It’s tiring!
Maybe sebab I went through satu problem yg sama with different people. Maybe I just don’t deserve to have bestfriend or maybe Allah nak save I from bad things. Since primary school, every time I have one best friend it will end with misery. Something bad happen— backstabbed, lies, kantoi going out with my bf, being left alone without reason, accident, kena palau dgn satu dorm because I quit from boarding and come back after few weeks, kena tuduh I yg buang ‘pad’ banyak2 kt toilet eventhough toilet tu ramai org pakai and toilet sekolah lama and the last person selalu seek for my faults, I buat business part time pun dia tak senang duduk, I dapat scholaarship pun dia tak happy for me.
I always ditinggalkan untill the last best friend, I gave up and scared so I left.
I never had best friend yg kekal sampai besar ni.
So I takut sangat my small circle will hate me and left. Last2, I pendam and nakan hati telan everything. Now that I honestly feel happy sebab pkp so I dont have to come to campus sebab whenever kena drg campus, I kena panic attack.
And I always be extra cautious. I avoid getting too attached to people. I be friend dengan semua classmate without getting overly attached. After class cepat2 balik. I really domt have good memories with friends. 😭
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